“So he shepherded them according to the integrity of his heart, and guided them with his skillful hands.” Psalm 78:72
I wasn’t really thinking about fathers when I began reading Psalm 78. The psalm is written in regard to a king and his kingdom, but the first eight verses focus on transmitting truth to the next generation. And that makes me think of parents and their roles in shaping the children within their influence.
A good king’s goal is to build up his kingdom. Even so, every loving father wants to build up his family. It has been said a father is the king of his castle, so this is not a new concept. Just google “king of his castle” and immediately, you will find multiple options for articles to read, objects for gift-giving, and philosophical musings.
I guess I’m not the only one who made the connection…
Psalm 78 is a Maskil, a poem of contemplation, intended for instruction. It’s a teaching psalm. It made me laugh because there are seventy two verses…which reminded me of my father’s lectures, when I would do my best to make the look on my face project I was listening, but in my head I was rolling my eyes at the seemingly eternal pontification. (Through the eyes of a fourteen-year-old.)
He knew when my eyes glazed over, but he would keep on because the point he was making was an important life lesson, and I needed to know it. He would emphatically say,
“Pay attention…”
In Psalm 78, Asaph just as emphatically calls the people together (his name even means “collector, gatherer”) and he states, “LIsten to my instruction. Extend your ears to what I have to say. I’m going to tell you a true story we have heard from our fathers and known for ourselves—we saw it with our eyes and heard it with our ears. There’s no room left to question the truth.”
In fact, his original language calls it “my law”, making his instructions a commanding force in themselves. Now typically, I don’t like to be told what to do (that’s why I rebelled against my daddy’s lectures), but this “law” is honestly quite loving and completely life-giving.
Regarding life-giving instruction, commentator Matthew Henry reminds us, “Every good truth received in the light (exposure of goodness) and love (wanting the best) will have the power of the law upon the conscience.” (Parentheses mine)
The implication is,
“Make this like a law because it’s going to give you your best life.”
Not only are they to make this “law” their way of life, but Asaph is instructing his audience to be completely committed to transmit all life-giving truth to the next generation. Then that generation will transfer to their children, and to their children’s children, and so on and so on. The truth of God becomes perpetual while spreading exponentially.
Fathers, would it change the way we view the role of our parenting if we considered parenting generations, rather than only the individuals right in front of us?
We must lodge the truth of God like a deep deposit into the hearts of our children so that they understand how to navigate the challenges, even the roadblocks in life. As we walk the path of life with them, we coach them in how to read the road ahead, watch for what to skip over, what to step around, what to completely turn away from. And sometimes we let them fall so they can learn to pull themselves up and walk the path more successfully.
It’s not that we tell them what to think. No, we show them how to think.
It’s like the “teach a man to fish” proverb. Learning how to think will be farther-reaching than just knowing what to think.
SHOW BEFORE YOU TELL
This is a masterful method of teaching. When I think back, had my dad told me a story that modeled the lesson, I would have less often rolled my eyes. I might have even leaned in a little closer. A story may have ushered me into the place of receiving rather than rebelling.
By the way, my Dad later realized all this and apologized to each of us for his harshness of just telling. Asking for our forgiveness was very kingly and very fatherly – insert smiley face here. In his apology, he continued to transmit truth to the next generation. I learned to own up to my mistakes and ask forgiveness for my mess-ups. Now I do my best to transmit this to my children, so they will transfer to their children, and so on.
In Psalm 78, Asaph masterfully relates several historical examples of various actions, their consequences, and the character of God. He illustrates the “why” to back up the “what” that he’s teaching.
When a father lays down the law in the most loving way, it leads to what some have called your best life now. Asaph’s objective for his listeners is that they become wholehearted worshipers of God who remember the past, learn from the past, then transmit truth from the past.
Truth transforms lives, and transformation is what God is all about.
A FATHER TRANSMITS — GOD TRANSFORMS
As much as we think we can shape our children, transformation only happens when the child yields to the mold. Asaph is fully aware of the personal participation required for wholehearted worship.
To illustrate the point, he shares stories of living God’s way vs. living your own way, and the results of each. His objective is to motivate and inspire intentional participation in what God has to offer, so that living God’s way will be a lifestyle that is passed on and on to every future generation.
It’s really a very simplistic way of teaching, all seen in verse seven:
- This is what we’re going for [Put your confidence in God only].
- This is what has been provided for your success [Remember what God has done—he never changes].
- This is how you can participate [Choose to live God’s way].
Then to wrap it all up, he warns them about what to avoid, urging them to watch themselves and stay away from:
- A rebellious attitude
- An unprepared heart
- An unfaithful spirit
THE KING SHEPHERDS THE HEART
I noticed a quality in this king that I had never seen before. God gave the nation of Israel (His chosen family) a leader who had experience in compassion. David the king, was originally a shepherd, a caretaker, protector, provider, guide. He cared for “the ewes with the suckling lambs” — not only the strong rams, but especially those that were the weaker and more vulnerable of the flock.
As a king, David came into the kingdom full of compassion, equipped to nurture and guide and lead…like a loving father would care for his children. You can read one great example of how this played out in 2 Samuel 9.
TRANSMITTING TRUTH AS A KINGLY FATHER
God shows a bit of Himself in the character of David.
Seeing God as a father, He intimately loves and cares for HIs children and causes everything to work together for their good.
As a king, God is most powerful and most holy. He created the world and everything in it, punishes evil, and holds His people to His standards.
God is consistently seen in scripture as both a Father and a King. Do you struggle with one of those identities because of your own personal experience or perceptions?
Consider this: God is both Father and King. If he is only Father, he is too easy, even obliging. If he is only King, he will feel like a harsh ruler, maybe a taskmaster.
We have to see God in His perfection.
- He is a good King, whose rules are for our protection and our provision, not to oppress or overrule. His judgment is only fair and always right, extended from a throne of grace.
- He is a good Father. He has a soft spot for his children. He wants to give good gifts to them. He is interested in how we feel, not just what we do. He loves it when we pull up a chair and sit with Him, reading His word, taking in His thoughts.
A kingly father will demonstrate the perfection of God, the perfect balance of the two. Lest I be misquoted, notice I did not say a kingly father would be perfect; no, he will demonstrate the perfect balance of God. His authority, his provision and his power will stem from a heart of love. And love makes all things right. Even during those lectures from my father, I knew he was teaching me from a place of love.
In his love, a kingly father will shepherd his children according to the integrity of his heart, and guide them with his skillful hands. And he will lead them to pass it on to the next generation, and the next, and the next.
Fathering and Mothering Generations: it is the way of God, and it’s never too late to begin living into that concept.
- Speaking of transmitting truth, you can dig deeper with The One Thing That Frees Your Influence
- Read Psalm 78:1-8 here.
Nina,
Oh how I understand. My dad had a similar approach when we were younger – more stern than in his later years. And as a young person and teen, I put on a similar “plastic” face of acting like I was listening but really wasn’t. Now, as a parent I completely see things differently. I appreciate all of the love both of my parents poured into me my entire life. As a parent, I try to remember to add compassion into the instruction that I give. It is hard sometimes. And very hard the rest of the time to remember to do this … a daily exercise to slow down and choose loving instruction over a desire for blind and/or unwilling obedience from my child. There is a much bigger heart issue at stake. My heart and my son’s heart. Thanks for putting things so plainly. Especially on Father’s Day! –Sheila
Oh Sheila! You hit the nail on the head: the heart issue. Thank you for the reminder that our own parent’s heart is just as important as our child’s heart :) Could it be that softening our own hearts would serve to soften the hearts of our children?